Byron back in 2008
I am the Rev. Dr. Carl Glover, and I am a writing center evangelist. I have been blessed for the past 23 years to serve under the leadership of my mentor, colleague, fishing buddy, friend, and fellow evangelist, Dr. Byron L. Stay.
For more than 30 years, Byron Stay has spread the Writing Center Gospel to the far corners of the earth. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone who has done more to advance the Writing Center Movement. One might call Byron the “Billy Graham” of the Writing Center World.
His list of accomplishments are legion:
- Founding member of MAWCA as well as the National Writing Centers Association (now IWCA). Served as President of both organizations.
- Co-edited several W/C books, wrote numerous articles pertinent to W/Cs.
- Founded the NWCA (now IWCA) Press
- Winner of the Distinguished Service Award (the W/C world’s equivalent of the purple heart)
- Has run 18 marathons with more on the way
- Avid motorcyclist, chess player, and a fine trumpet player, as he will demonstrate in a minute.
Byron at MAWCA 2012
While Byron was accomplishing all these things, I have always stood behind him, saying things like, “That’s a stupid idea.” “That will never work.” and “Are you kidding me?”
We could not fit all of Byron’s accomplishments in the conference program, so let me fill in some of Byron’s other achievements.
Together Byron and I established the Writing Center Retreat House on a floating island in Lake Titicaca, Bolivia/Peru. In addition to our work in South America, we have also spread the W/C Gospel in the U.S., with crusades is such far-flung places as Hemphill, Texas; Oshkosh, Wisconsin; HoHoKus, NJ; and two Amish communities in nearby Lancaster County: Intercourse and Paradise.
Many Amish were in attendance, and Byron and I noticed that they had no zippers on their clothing, only buttons. Byron and I decided that we should seize the entrepreneurial opportunity to sell zippers to the Amish. That enterprise has been less than successful.
Byron and Carl
We recognize that it costs a lot of money to run a W/C—computers need to be purchased and maintained, not to mention the ever-spiraling cost of red pens. Chain saws and machetes need to be sharpened, and keeping our tutors equipped with protective headgear and body armor is no inexpensive proposition. Since universities are quick to cut W/C budgets in these tough economic times, we’ve undertaken several initiatives to make up for our budget shortfall. Byron, our tutors, and I have been quite successful in door-to-door vacuum cleaner sales. And it helps to have a great product, that practically sells itself. Mount St. Mary’s University Writing Center is the East Coast distributor of the finest vacuum cleaner ever made, the Suckmaster 5000. It will not only clean your house, it will strip the bark off a tree. Imagine all that power, all that torque at your fingertips. The Suckmaster features a patented drive shaft and a 2-cylinder Mitsubishi engine to power it from room to room, sucking away. It will also work wonders in your garage and in your garden.
So Writing Center directors—need to beef up your budgets? Put your tutors to work selling vacuum cleaners. Nothing builds character quite like having the door slammed in your face on a regular basis.
Remember our motto: Buy the Suckmaster 5000. It really sucks.
We’ve also had success selling home kits for making grandfather clocks. All you need is an old canoe, a coat hanger, any type of battery-operated clock, saran wrap, and duct tape.
Our latest venture is still in the developmental stage, but we plan to manufacture and distribute diet water: fat free, calorie free, from sacred streams around Mount St. Mary’s. We plan to throw in a little bleach to kill the e-coli. Our plan is to sell the water in 12 ounce cans, 50¢ each, or 3 for $2.00.
We are constantly trying out new tools to spread the Writing Center Gospel. Currently in press is our new Writing Center Hymnal. Some of our titles include
- “The Battle Hymn of the Tutorial”
- “I Know Who Holds My Pencil”
- “Just a Closer Talk with Thee”
- “All Hail the Power of MLA Format”
- “Amazing Grades”
Today, Byron and I will perform what is perhaps our most popular W/C hymn. Wherever we go, people request it. The hymn tune, entitled “Glory-Land Way,” was composed by J. S. Torbett; the title of the hymn is “Going to the Writing Center Today”; and the first line is “My paper sucks.”
Goin’ to the Writing Center Today
My paper sucks, oh Lord what shall I do?
Goin’ to the Writing Center today.
I have run-ons and comma splices too.
I’m goin’ to the writing center today.
Chorus:
Goin’ to the Writing center today.
Goin’ to the Writing center today.
They’ll fix my paper, my self-image too.
I’m goin’ to the Writing Center today.
I have no thesis, no supporting evidence.
Goin’ to the Writing Center today.
I am disorganized and don’t make sense.
I’m goin’ to the Writing Center today.
Chorus
Goin’ to the Writing Center today.
Goin’ to the Writing Center today.
I’ll have nothing to fear when my thesis is clear.
I’m going to the Writing Center today.
When I am stuck, I know just what to do.
Goin’ to the Writing Center today.
I’ll bring my paper and personal problems too.
Goin’ to the Writing Center today.
Chorus
Goin’ to the Writing Center today.
Goin’ to the Writing Center today.
While you can’t win them all, give the Writing Center a call
I’m goin’ to the Writing Center today.
Congratulations, Byron, on your retirement. It was a pleasure to work with you all these years.
Dear Byron.
As you well know, there are many wonderful people who work in writing centers. On that very long list, you would easily be at the very top. It was great to work with you through the years, and it was always a pleasure to receive your warm greeting at the conferences we would attend through the years. I will look forward to that greeting when we meet again.
Enjoy what’s next, Byron! You deserve it.